Giving My Ex A Second Chance Broke Me

Six years ago, I went through a terrible heartbreak, which also happened to be the end of my first serious relationship. Devastated, I sought comfort in the next man who made me feel good about myself and soon found myself in a new relationship. I told myself to calm down and play it cool; Rick was only a rebound, after all.

At the very beginning, Rick made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious and only wanted to see where this goes. I thought two could play that game, but I was dead wrong. I caught feelings for an unemotionally unavailable man. All he wanted was a casual relationship, so a month later, I ended things because I wanted something more.

It’s not as if I had fallen in love with him, but I did like the guy enough to want to get into a committed relationship, so it stung. Plus, I was still grieving the end of my first serious relationship, so my heart was in pieces at this point. It took me nearly three years to recover from these back-to-back failed relationships. Imagine my state of mind when Rick texted me at the beginning of 2023, saying he had made a mistake and wanted to give us a real shot! He asked me when he could give me a call. My first instinct was to tell him that he had his chance and lost it, and there was nothing he could say or do that would change my mind.

But then another thought entered my head: maybe Rick had changed, and either way, I should at least hear him out. I texted him back that he could call me at 9 p.m. – and he did. That call changed my life forever. Rick convinced me he was looking for a serious relationship this time – and didn’t want to try with anyone else but me. I should have asked for some time before I answered. Instead, I got carried away by his romantic words and my leftover feelings and blurted out okay, let’s do this.

From the very next day, life seemed brighter and full of possibilities. Days went by like a dream, what with Rick pulling out all the stops to woo me. He cooked for me as often as possible, regularly bought me flowers, and always ensured date nights were fun even when they were at home.

He didn’t let me plan anything because he said he wanted to be the one to take care of me, to spoil me. To do so, he just had to be in control of everything. And I didn’t mind, especially as I had never been pampered by a romantic partner. Even in bed, he was attentive and always ensured I was having a good time instead of solely focusing on his pleasure. But the best part was when he shared his life experiences with me, things he had never told anyone.

With all the intimacy and sweet gestures, it didn’t take me long to fall head over heels in love with Rick.

Close to our four-month anniversary, however, he had a shock instead of a surprise for me. That evening was like any other evening: we had just finished working for the day and were going to get started on dinner. But then, he walked to me, sat me down on the couch, and said that we needed to talk. I sat still with a thudding heart, wondering if he was going to tell me he loved me. Instead, he looked me in the eyes and told me he wanted to end things because he realized he was happier single.

When he said these words, the room started spinning in front of me and I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t believe my ears! The kind, caring man I loved had suddenly turned into a cold stranger, and there was nothing I could do about it. Maybe I was imagining things, so I faintly asked him, “What did you just say? I swear I misheard you.” He coolly replied, “You heard right. We need to break up…this isn’t working out.”

As tears began to stream down my face, he shifted away from me and looked uncomfortable, almost embarrassed. He told me to calm down and take it easy. “It’s not like we were dating for a long time”, he rationalized. Hurt and stunned, I held back my tears to retain my dignity. Within minutes, after he left my place, I had a proper crying session. I was at a loss for words. Short of telling me he loved me, everything Rick had done so far showed that he had fallen for me too. What had I missed? Did I do something wrong? I was totally at sea. Dazed and confused and utterly heartbroken, I didn’t know what to do to fix our relationship and make everything right.

When I called him to ask for a proper explanation the next day, I discovered that my number had been blocked. I was unfriended and blocked on all social media platforms as well.

The message was clear: don’t contact me, and I didn’t. To this day, I don’t know what prompted him to leave so abruptly. Was it a fear of commitment? Was it an act of revenge because I had broken up with him the first time around? I’ll never know. And I’ll always wonder: Why did he consistently shower me with love when he was not sure about wanting to be with me? How could he feel so much for me and then suddenly walk away as if he felt nothing at all?

What I do know is that I made the mistake of letting Rick back into my life when he had hurt me the first time. As that Maya Angelou quote goes, “When someone shows who they are, believe them the first time.” When we broke up three years ago, he told me he was emotionally unavailable for a relationship. That was who he was: an emotionally unavailable person. Why did I assume he would be any different after a couple of years had passed? He never said he had worked on himself, he only said he wanted to be in a relationship now. He had not proved that he had done the work to be a committed partner, that he was worthy of a second chance.

Sure, what Rick did was wrong, but I was at fault too. I had brought this upon myself. I should have never let him back into my life when there was no evidence that he had changed.

Well, I learned my lesson the hard way. Never again will I let someone from the past back into my life – whether they are a partner, a friend, a relative, or even an employer. Unless someone gives me definitive proof that they have changed, they will forever remain a part of my past. This is a lesson I will never forget.

And now, coming to the part where giving my ex a second chance broke me. It’s taken me months to get back to some semblance of normal. And I would say I am still broken. But I am getting better slowly, thanks to weekly therapy, daily meditation, and switching to Matcha tea instead of coffee. Most importantly, I have sworn off dating and decided to focus on healing myself. Take my word for it friends, please don’t go back to your ex. They are your ex for a reason. Keep it that way.