Heartbreak, infertility, and depression are traumatic life events that can unravel your entire sense of self. But for Vinita Apte, these deeply personal experiences became the foundation for a powerful mission: helping women over 30 heal and grow from toxic relationships. In an interview with Mahevash Muses, this relationship and transformation coach opens up about her healing journey, the unique challenges Indian women face when setting boundaries, and what true transformation looks like.
1. Your journey through heartbreak, infertility, and depression shaped the work you do today. What motivated you to help others heal and grow?
My journey through heartbreak, infertility, and depression wasn’t just painful; it was transformative. Each experience stripped away the layers of who I thought I was and forced me to confront the silence, grief, and shame I had carried for years.
Infertility made me question my worth as a woman. Heartbreak made me confront the illusions I had about love and relationships. Depression brought me face to face with my deepest fears, and it humbled me. But it also taught me compassion for myself and others who silently suffer behind smiles.
What motivated me to help others heal was the realization that emotional pain often goes unseen, unspoken, and invalidated. I wanted my clients to have the space and be the mirror I didn’t have when I was at my lowest.
I wanted to remind people that it’s okay to break and that healing doesn’t mean returning to who you were; it means becoming stronger, wiser, and more whole. I also wanted to help those who wanted to build more self-awareness, understand their shadow side, and work with it to have healthier relationships in the future.
I do this work because healing is possible, and no one should have to walk through this alone.
2. You guide women over 30 to rebuild their lives after heartbreak, be it a breakup or a divorce. What do they most struggle with during this process, particularly when it involves infidelity or abuse?
When I work with women who have faced infidelity or abuse, they are not just dealing with the loss of a relationship but are also trying to come to terms with the situation.
They struggle to trust others and also themselves. They question every decision they make, wanting to understand, “How did I not see the red flags?” “Why did I stay so long?” “Was any of it real?”
When abuse is involved, the women I work with experience a deep sense of shame and confusion. The emotional or physical abuse erodes the sense of reality. They carry the guilt that was never theirs to begin with.
Infidelity adds another layer of pain. Their emotional safety, which they thought they had, has been obliterated. It shatters their self-worth. Many blame themselves, thinking they weren’t ‘enough’.
And if children or long marriages are involved, the grief gets even more complex. They fear starting over, feel behind in life, and worry if they’ll ever trust or love again.
They need validation and a safe space to feel seen and process their pain without judgment. Coaching allows them to express their pain, reclaim their inner voice, and understand boundaries, empowering them to rebuild a life that feels authentic and free.
3. If clients feel stuck between who they were and who they want to become, how do you help them move forward?
When clients feel stuck between who they were and who they want to become, they’re in an uncomfortable in-between space where their old identities no longer fit, but the new self has yet to emerge.
First, we explore the stories they’ve carried about love, worth, failure, and identity. These stories are inherited, outdated, or rooted in childhood and survival. Letting go of them isn’t just about mindset; it’s a form of grief work.
Then, we shift to self-trust. I help my clients reconnect with their voices, desires, and self-worth, which have been silenced or buried in past relationships and outdated messages or expectations.
I use tools like hypnotherapy, journaling, visualization, and coaching to anchor the version of themselves they want to grow into. The goal isn’t to become someone new. It’s to reclaim their true self.
4. In India, we often underestimate the importance of healthy boundaries, especially for women. Where do Indian women face the most difficulty concerning boundaries?
In India, women are taught to adjust, sacrifice, be the flag bearer of culture, and diminish ourselves from a very young age. So, when we try to set healthy boundaries, it’s seen as selfish, rebellious, or disrespectful.
Indian women face the most difficulty with boundaries in three key areas:
1. Family dynamics
Whether it’s in their birth family or in-laws’ home, women are expected to be emotionally available, agreeable, and constantly giving. Saying no to emotional labor, toxic relatives, or constant interference is often met with guilt-tripping or emotional blackmail.
2. Romantic relationships and marriage
We struggle to express needs, ask for space, or call out disrespect. If we do, we are said to be too demanding, too modern, or not understanding enough of our partner or his family. Abuse gets normalized under the guise of adjustment.
3. Work-life balance
Working women are considered the default caregivers at home. If we set boundaries around time, mental load, or prioritizing our careers, we are called selfish, and even our parents are blamed for our upbringing.
It is more complicated because many women don’t even know what healthy boundaries look or feel like because they’ve never experienced them.
That’s why, in my work, I start by helping them understand that boundaries aren’t walls but are acts of self-respect. And when set with clarity and calm, they don’t break relationships; instead, they reveal which ones are healthy.
5. Lastly, how do you define a successful transformation? What would you say to someone just starting their healing journey and feeling overwhelmed?
A successful transformation isn’t about becoming a brand-new person. It’s about returning to yourself with clarity, compassion, courage, and the capability to accept change.
When a woman starts owning her boundaries without guilt, or when she stops seeking external validation and starts trusting her inner knowing, or lets go of who she was taught to be and embraces her true self, that is a deep and lasting transformation.
And to someone just starting their healing journey and is feeling raw, confused, or overwhelmed, I will say this:
‘You don’t have to have it all figured out. You can start small.’
The fact that you’re even choosing to face your pain instead of running from it is already the first step in the journey towards transformation.
And healing is never linear; some days, you will feel you have made progress, and others will feel like setbacks. But you’re growing every time you show up for yourself with gentleness instead of judgment.
Transformation is a slow and messy process. But don’t give up because the version of you that’s waiting on the other side? She’s not perfect. She’s free.
Vinita Apte is a relationship and transformation coach who empowers women to heal from trauma, rebuild confidence, and rediscover their authentic selves after a breakup. To book a free discovery call, connect with her on LinkedIn or email vinita.apte1974@gmail.com.
