Well, here we go again.
Once again, I don’t feel at home in this world anymore. Yes, I’m usually a misfit, but there have been times when I felt like I belonged.
Of late, that hasn’t been the case. I’m experiencing discomfort on an existential level, and it’s been unpleasant, to say the least. And why shouldn’t I?
A lot of things in my life are in a state of flux. And the world is burning too.
First off, I am looking to pivot from freelance writing to full-time writing. Making that move is tough because I’ve been freelancing since 2017 and the job market is pretty unfriendly right now.
Then, I am looking for a partner so I can find someone to share my life with. I think you and I both know how easy it is to date someone in today’s times. Especially if you are looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship that culminates in marriage.
Third, the genocide in Palestine is haunting me and making me sick to my stomach.
Lastly, I am coping with a bad episode of depression, and the above three reasons are making it worse. Right now, all I want to do is go on a vacation and get away from all these problems for a while.
But there’s a saying that goes: wherever you go, there you are. It means you can’t outrun your problems, you carry them along with you.
If I feel lost and uncomfortable while applying for a full-time job, I will feel just as lost and uncomfortable on the beach of some exotic land. Plus, I would be far more anxious if I ran away from my responsibilities to go on a vacation.
So what can I do? Stay put until I can find some semblance of a home in this unfamiliar world. Figure out what I can do right now in my life. Do what I can to help out Palestinians, even if it is something as little as liking and sharing a Palestinian journalist’s posts.
Because taking some action—no matter how small—is better than taking none at all.
