Therapist Saket Suman believes that taking care of our mental health involves not just therapy, but also how we think, live, connect, and make sense of the world. In this interview, he opens up about his journey to becoming a therapist, the practices that keep him mentally well, why Gen Z is struggling with mental health, and why therapy continues to face resistance in India. Over to him.
1. I’ve always thought of therapists as real-life superheroes. Could you tell us your origin story?
Thank you so much for appreciating us! We can all be superheroes because we can all help and inspire someone. I was an insecure and impulsive kid with extremely intense emotions. I suffered from depression and anxiety in my late teens, both of which got worse at twenty. Back then, I was harming myself and constantly thinking of ending my life. Despite consulting multiple psychiatrists, medication didn’t help; in fact, it made things worse. (This was my personal experience, and it doesn’t mean anyone should distrust medication. While medication has side effects, it does wonders for many people. ) I was on four pills every day, which were numbing me and making me nauseous in the gym, the only place I loved at the time.
Finally, I consulted a therapist, and for the first time, I felt seen and understood.
My then-girlfriend, gym, and therapy saved my life. We used to talk about how we wanted to become psychologists, so we could understand human suffering better and help others. While we eventually broke up, both of us became psychologists and achieved what we wanted to in life.
Looking back, it feels like what I went through was avoidable if I had received the right help sooner. Today, I love myself for being composed, compassionate, passionate, inspiring, and funny. Thanks to my therapist, who helped me accept and regulate my emotions, I am a totally different person. And that’s what I want to help others with. A lot of our suffering is preventable. We can do and enjoy so much in this life if we become emotionally competent. It is quite easy to become someone we are proud of; we just need some guidance and support.
2. Therapists support people with their mental health. How do you take care of your own?
At 31, I’ve built a life around what keeps me mentally healthy. Having been in a dark headspace myself, I know how easy it is for the human brain to sink into despair. Therapy saved my life at 20, and I still see the same therapist to make sure I’m handling my stress and emotions well and upholding professional ethics as a therapist. I don’t believe mental health exists in isolation, so I focus on my overall well-being. I sleep at least seven hours every night, eat a balanced diet, and exercise five days a week. Breathing exercises, NSDR, and mindfulness help me get out of my head and regulate my nervous system. I journal and write poetry to give my thoughts, memories, and feelings a permanent place to exist.
You have to feel proud of the life you are living and want more of it. That’s what I’m trying to do for myself.
I make an effort to start conversations, build new friendships, and try not to judge people as long as they aren’t devaluing others who have done them no harm. When I meet kind, warm, and competent people, I try to learn from them. I also follow a simple grooming and skincare routine because looking presentable makes me feel good about myself. Lastly, I try to follow the teachings of Buddha. Spirituality helps me stay grounded and maintain a healthy perspective on the suffering, violence, and extremism in the world and in myself. It helps me fight the bitterness and cynicism that I tend to struggle with. Learning what works for you and what you can do sustainably is vital.
3. Gen Z is the most therapy-receptive generation ever, yet they have poor mental health. Why do you think this is the case?
That’s a great question. Research indicates that Gen Z indeed has higher rates of self-reported depression and anxiety. I think we can attribute their bad mental health to a combination of factors unique to their generation. The most prominent is social media. Gen Z is the first generation to spend their formative years online, and that’s a double-edged sword. The internet makes them more resourceful and aware than any generation before, but it also exposes them to unrealistic standards and information they may not be equipped to process. They constantly compare themselves with so-called influencers and are bombarded with images of the perfect vacation, relationship, physique, career, and life. This can foster insecurity and low self-worth.
From fitness and skincare to dating and the manosphere, social media tells young people what to do and how to see the world.
Instead of figuring out who they are and what they want, they can end up borrowing distorted perspectives. Opportunists then tap into these insecurities, selling them everything from “become an alpha male” and “embody divine femininity” to get-rich-quick schemes. All of this leaves very little room to simply be a flawed human trying to figure things out. Real life isn’t perfect. We will face rejection, criticism, sickness, loss, grief, and death. These difficult feelings are part of being human and don’t always need to be eliminated immediately.
Gen Z is constantly exposed to bad news happening around the world, which can create a sense of helplessness and gloom.
Gen Z is leading protests all over the world.
They are inheriting a world of polluted air and water, wars, racism, violence, climate change, and inflation. They see these problems getting worse while feeling powerless to change them. However, Gen Z is also reported to have higher levels of empathy and is vocal about social change, so it isn’t all bad. I would never consider them weak or less capable. The recent protests against the government showed that this generation can do anything. They just need healthier role models.
4. As a man and a therapist, how do you think toxic masculinity affects men’s mental health and their willingness to seek help?
Toxic masculinity, the red-pill, and the manosphere are built around the idea that men must be tough, self-reliant, dominant, and unemotional. Toxic masculinity sees vulnerability or anything traditionally feminine as emasculating or “gay”. These rigid norms make boys and young men shame and suppress their vulnerability and distress. They can’t notice, name, or accept any emotional distress. This makes asking for help feel like admitting you are not man enough.
Toxic masculinity is built on toxic comparison among men in the name of being the “alpha male”. Generalized homophobia makes showing even a slight care or affection to male friends a taboo. This makes male friendships shallow and even damaging.
Carl Jung, the famous Swedish psychologist, said: “The most masculine man has a feminine soul.” He meant that when a man embraces his vulnerability, softness, or dependency, he becomes more secure in his masculinity. Accepting that you are struggling and asking for help will help men become stronger and more secure, rather than performing to be masculine by dominating and hurting others.
5. Many educated Indians dismiss therapy as unnecessary or a Western import. What do you think it will take to change this mindset?
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is regarded as an effective therapy modality for individuals dealing with emotional volatility, self-harm, and suicidal tendencies. Dr. Marsha Linehan, the pioneer of DBT, was inspired by Zen Buddhism, particularly its concepts of non-dualism and mindfulness. Buddha was born in Nepal, achieved enlightenment in Bodhgaya, Bihar, and gave his first sermon in Sarnath, UP. What can be more Eastern than that? India is the birthplace of yoga, meditation, breathwork, and even the Kama Sutra. This wisdom reached the West, inspired and mingled with Western science and research, and then came back to our country with new labels of mindfulness, somatic therapy, NSDR (non-sleep deep rest), and sex therapy.
Therapy is not a Western import. It’s the healing our society needs.
In India, emotional abuse, manipulation, and enmeshment have been normalized as traditional values for generations. On the other hand, psychotherapy emphasizes human rights, liberty, equality, feminism, and the rights of marginalized communities. Naturally, it can clash with systems that have normalized abuse, sexism, misogyny, segregation, and exploitation in the name of family values, tradition, religion, and caste. For this reason, therapy in our country appeals to people who want to break generational patterns and is frowned upon by those who want to maintain the status quo.
What we can do is raise awareness that professional help is available and that therapy is an evidence-based, ethical practice. We also need to call out grifters who use therapy jargon without being qualified to practice, and we need a stronger governing body to train, regulate, and oversee psychologists in India. Honestly, we have a long way to go.
Saket Suman is a counseling psychologist who is passionate about helping people understand themselves and regulate their emotions. He creates exclusive mental health content on Instagram at @zen_with_saket.
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