What people say about you is never really about you. It’s about them — Their mood, their beliefs, their fears, and their projections.
Our words are colored by our wounds. Our reactions are shaped by our past. And our judgments are often mirrors of what we’re still trying to fix within ourselves.
So when someone says you’re too much, not enough, or hard to love…pause. Take a breath and ask yourself: What if this has nothing to do with me?
The Psychology of Projection
People don’t see you as you are. They see you as they are.
Someone might call you “dramatic” because they were never allowed to feel. Someone might say, “You’re selfish” because no one ever prioritized them. Someone might ghost you, snap at you, or withdraw, not because you did something wrong, but because their nervous system is whispering danger.
The human mind is a projector, not a mirror. And most people are just trying to survive their own stories.
Every Person Carries a Child
The ones who broke your heart, made you question your worth, and never said sorry are neither monsters nor villains. They’re children.
Children who were scolded for crying. Children who had to earn love by pleasing, performing, and perfecting.
>Children who learned to stay small to stay safe.
And now they move through life with closed hearts and open wounds.
No one is born cold, avoidant, needy, or cruel. These are not personality flaws. They’re survival strategies.
The Science Behind It
Your nervous system has one job: to keep you alive. Not keep you happy or help you thrive. Just alive.
So it adapts.
It learns:
• “Don’t cry, or you’ll be punished.”
• “Don’t trust, or you’ll get hurt.”
• “Push them away before they leave.”
• “Control everything or you’ll lose everything.”
So when someone’s being cold, dramatic, or distant, pause. Because they’re not being difficult. They’re protecting the only system they know.
But What If the Critic Lives Inside You?
Here’s where it gets even more personal. What if the harshest voice isn’t out there, but inside you?
Your inner critic isn’t your enemy. It’s your protector.
It learned:
• “If I shame myself first, no one else can.”
• “If I’m hard on myself, I stay in control.”
• “If I beat myself down, I won’t be blindsided.”
It’s trying to preempt rejection by protecting your heart with barbed wire. But that voice is outdated and tired.
And if you let it, it’s ready to rest.
What Now?
Is there someone you haven’t forgiven? A moment that still stings when no one’s watching? A voice in your head that still whispers, “You weren’t good enough”?
Don’t rush to fix it.
Instead, ask:
• What were they protecting?
• What were you protecting?
• What are you now ready to release?
Because you don’t have to carry pain that isn’t yours. You don’t have to punish yourself for someone else’s projections. You don’t have to bleed for wounds you didn’t cause.
So the next time someone lashes out, judges you, or makes you question your worth, pause.
Don’t pick up what was never yours to carry. You are not responsible for their pain. You never were.
A Thought to Leave You With
Every person you’ve ever met is just a child trying to feel safe in a world that never taught them how. You don’t have to excuse their behavior or even keep them in your life.
But you can stop blaming yourself for the way they showed up. Once you lay down the weight you were never meant to carry, you might hear the quietest truth rise from within:
It was never about you.
And that will set you free.
Divya B Kumar is a coach, writer & the founder of Soulfully Unbound. She helps women master their mindset, live consciously, & unlock radical personal power. Click here to get on the waitlist for one-on-one coaching with Divya.
