Surrogacy is one of those subjects that almost everyone has an opinion on, yet very few people truly understand. Much of what circulates in popular conversation is shaped by half-information, fear-driven narratives, or outdated ideas about pregnancy, parenthood, and women’s agency.
To bring clarity to a topic that deserves nuance and care, I turned to Kelly Enders-Tharp. Kelly is an Education and Experience Specialist at Growing Generations and a three-time gestational surrogate. Her perspective is grounded in professional expertise and lived experience. Without further ado, let’s take a look at the seven surrogacy myths she encounters most often.
Myth 1: The surrogate can change her mind and keep the baby.
Reality: This is one of the most common fears among intended parents. Comprehensive legal agreements and parentage orders protect the intended parents’ rights from the start. The women who become surrogates understand, deeply, that the child they carry is not theirs, doesn’t share any biological connection, and is a gift they’re helping to deliver.
“Gestational surrogates understand from the beginning that the child is not theirs. Informed consent, psychological screening, contracts, and legal counseling ensure clarity and protect everyone involved.”
Myth 2: Surrogacy is illegal or legally risky everywhere.
Reality: The legal landscape for surrogacy varies, yes, but it is far from lawless. In fact, many U.S. states and countries around the world have well-established legal frameworks to support surrogacy. With proper legal guidance, the process is not only safe but also legally sound.
“While surrogacy laws vary by location, many states and countries have robust legal frameworks that protect surrogates, intended parents, and the baby. I always encourage intended parents to ask how their location and circumstances may shape the journey.”
Myth 3: Surrogacy is exploitative and takes advantage of women.
Reality: This misconception couldn’t be further from the truth. Surrogacy is built on consent, integrity, and mutual respect. At Growing Generations, we conduct extensive screening to ensure every surrogate participates freely and with full understanding. We believe in compensating the surrogate fairly for their commitment, effort, and medical risk involved.
“Fair compensation acknowledges the surrogate’s investment of time, commitment, and any medical risk exposure; the payment is not for the child. Every ethical program ensures informed consent and voluntary participation from the surrogate. Not all women who apply should become surrogates; it is the agency’s responsibility to uphold ethical standards and ensure women are never exploited.”
Myth 4: The surrogate is the baby’s real mother.
Reality: In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has no genetic connection to the child. She is the incredible woman who carries the pregnancy, not the mother. The intended parents are the child’s contractually legal parents from the very beginning.
“In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries the embryo but does not contribute to the genetic make-up of the baby. Ignorance about the IVF process, including what gestational surrogacy truly entails, helps perpetuate this common myth.”
Myth 5: Intended parents won’t bond with the baby.
Reality: The bond between parent and child is created through love, care, and presence – not necessarily through pregnancy. We’ve seen intended parents build deep, immediate connections with their child. For many, the journey of surrogacy deepens the appreciation and attachment they feel from the moment they meet their baby.
“Bonding is a continued process that includes love, care, and being present. Many intended parents form deep connections with their child from the very first moment. For some, bonding begins before birth, by asking their surrogate to share specific music, stories, and recorded messages with the IPs voices for the fetus to hear.”
Myth 6: Children born through surrogacy will face stigma or identity issues.
Reality: Children born via surrogacy are no different in their ability to thrive, love, and feel secure. When raised with openness and love, they grow up proud of the journey that brought them into the world. They are deeply wanted, and they know it.
“Children born through surrogacy flourish just like any other children when raised with love and honesty. Their arrival is deeply intentional; growing up knowing they were profoundly wanted, and the dedication their parents showed to make this possible speaks volumes.”
Myth 7: Surrogacy is morally wrong or unnatural.
Reality: There’s nothing more natural than wanting to build a family. People choose surrogacy for all kinds of personal reasons, and each story is valid. It’s an intentional process supported by professionals who make sure everyone is protected and respected. Families of all backgrounds embrace surrogacy because it’s a chance for them to welcome a child with love.
“Surrogacy is an ethical and compassionate choice that allows people from all walks of life to experience the joy of parenthood. The desire to build a family is one of the most essential and natural human desires.”
Conclusion
Surrogacy is not a loophole, a shortcut, or a moral grey area. It is a deeply considered, carefully supported path to parenthood and partnership. When we replace myths with lived experience and fear with understanding, the conversation becomes gentler, more honest, and far more human. And that is where it deserves to begin.
