When we hear the word ‘alpha’, we typically associate it with men. However, the word itself is gender-neutral as it refers to an assertive person who takes charge of their life. Well, Juie Merchant, a relationship and divorce healing coach for Indian women, is flipping the script with her brand Alpha Woman. Over to Juie.
1. Alpha Woman empowers women at every stage of their life. Who or what inspired you to create it?
All my working life, I have been a very pro-woman person. Alpha Woman stems from my belief and experience that women should always feel empowered, self-confident, bold, aspirational, and sexy — less physically, more from feeling comfortable in their own skin.
Coming to what inspired me to create it – all my life I have lived in closed walls; before marriage with my mom where I had to take permission for everything and after marriage with my husband and in-laws where almost everything was controlled and restricted to the point of suffocation.
I separated from my husband in 2012 and got an official divorce in 2015. The idea for Alpha Woman was conceived in this period – as I experienced freedom for the first time.
I felt I was independent of anyone making decisions for me. I could work where I wanted and do what I wanted. Although I had the responsibility of a three-year-old child, I still felt free.
Do you know the first thing I did after separating from my husband at the age of 28? I enrolled for the UPSC exam without any preparation. After college, it was my dream to enter the civil services but alas! I chose to marry at the age of 20 and that dream remained unfulfilled because my husband didn’t let me pursue it. I took the UPSC exam at 28 solely because it was something I was stopped from doing. Alpha Woman means freedom and independence, being bold enough to live life the way you want to.
2. You focus on improving communication in relationships and helping women heal from divorce. As a formerly divorced woman, I would love to know how you help women cope with these challenges.
My brand is largely for Indian women concerning relationship coaching and divorce healing. However, Alpha Woman is a platform that shall be scaled to a global level in other areas.
One of the most common issues couples face is the lack of communication in their relationships, often leading to a breakdown in marriage. Having been through this, I understand how vital it is to communicate with your partner. The most common mistake people make is to put their selves first and not be considerate towards their partner.
Listening (or the lack of it) is another crucial issue between couples.
As humans, we tend to listen only to respond and not focus on what our partner is saying and feeling. Even observing your partner’s body language during a particularly tough conversation will help you understand each other better.
There are many reasons for divorce, such as domestic violence, unsupportive in-laws and husbands, dowry harassment, incompatibility, or simply growing apart. Whatever the reason, the residual effects are many. Most women come out from a divorce with a lack of self-confidence, are aimless, and sometimes mentally unstable or suicidal.
The healing process begins with listening to them, thus giving them a safe space to speak about what would perhaps have been unspoken for years. And, the best part about me and my work is that it’s an absolutely judgment-free zone that makes women feel comfortable.
Once they unburden, the process of rebuilding them begins brick-by-brick. This could happen by giving them certain exercises/ tasks to do, maintaining a journal, writing down unfulfilled goals, charting a path to start working on them one by one, giving them activities to help improve their confidence, etc. Each woman comes with a different challenge and problem, hence each solution is tailored to their needs.
3. In the wake of the Gisèle Pelicot case, how are you empowering women to protect themselves from sexual abuse? We are not safe even in our own homes.
The Gisele Pelicot case has opened up a can of worms for many women who have been through a similar thing at some point in life. This case hit a nerve because my cousin molested me from grade 4 to grade 7, I was raped by a schoolmate at the age of 14 which resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, and I have experienced marital rape on two occasions. Hence, sexual assault has been an unwanted part of my life, which is also the reason why I am a PoSH trainer.
To a certain extent, PoSH awareness and training help alleviate incidences of sexual harassment in the workplace. But the training largely depends on whether an organization is open to conducting it or not, and sadly, many organizations choose not to be PoSH compliant. For me, PoSH is about doing my part in reducing instances of sexual harassment in the workplace.
4. Most women all over the world struggle to put themselves first. What are you doing at Alpha Women to help change this centuries-old social conditioning?
As women, we have been conditioned to put our families first, to sacrifice our dreams for our loved ones, and to constantly be a caregiver. According to me, this is very unfortunate. If as women we do not nourish ourselves, how can we pour from an empty cup?
For me, teaching women to put themselves first means helping them realize that they aren’t being selfish in doing so.
It’s okay for everyone to carve out an hour for themselves every day to do the things they love or to just be with themselves. My efforts lie in talking to women, helping them realize that they need to be with themselves and love themselves first to love others. To achieve this, I organize women-only travel groups, facilitate travel for women wishing to travel solo, and organize empowerment retreats to help women reconnect with themselves and their goals.
The larger goal for Alpha Woman is to create a physical space, a brand that allows women access to everything they need and want to relax and feel empowered. So Alpha Woman is not only a brand but a movement taking shape — one woman at a time.
