It was just a regular day at work
Alright, it was a new job, so just day two
But nothing warranted what I did
After I was done chatting with coworkers
About the day to day responsibilities
God, was I overwhelmed!
This job was way out of my league
At least that’s what it felt like at the time
I breathlessly excused myself from the conversation
Ran to the terrace to try not to choke
Panic polluted my mind and bloodstream
All I could think of was running far away
In my head, I knew that was silly
Talk about an overreaction, right?
But that’s what I did anyway
I picked up my bag
Then charged out of the building
As if it were on fire
And running was all I could do
If I wanted to stay alive
Surprised stares met my eyes
Yet I kept running without a pause
No one could stop me if they tried
Meters away from the building
That’s when I finally stopped
For my legs gave up on me
The pause alerted me to what I’d done
I became the embodiment of shame
No explanation could salvage my name
My only option was to never go back
And that’s the end of the story
Of how I ran myself out of a great job
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Have done this twice. Thank you for writing about this, I thought I was the only one who actually ran way from a job because I was overwhelmed. I feel so much better knowing I am not the only one and that it’s okay, I am not a freak, mental illness makes us do strange things sometimes. It doesn’t mean we are doomed to repeat our patterns, there is hope if we dare to hold on to it no matter what. Jesus, God, Buddha,the universe, whatever you believe in is on our side if we let them in. Thank you for sharing your story, it must be so hard to express your personal struggles on the Internet without being anonymous. I can’t even imagine doing the same because of trolls and I am afraid of being judged and made fun of too but maybe I will get there someday. God bless.